How To Win Friends & Influence People : Dale Carnegie: Amazon Books

But I think that during General
Burnside’s command of the army you have taken counsel of
your ambition and thwarted him as much as you could, in
which you did a great wrong to the country and to a most
meritorious and honorable brother officer. I am printing the letter here because it shows how
Lincoln tried to change an obstreperous general when
the very fate of the nation could have depended upon
the general’s action. His method was probably a bit obvious, but the psychology
was superb.

How to Win Friends and Influence People Study Guide

You influence people better by showing them how to do things properly and or keep encouraging them. To influence people, you have to be actively interested in them. People appreciate and listen to those that can relate to or understand their struggles. You can only speak the language people will understand when you participate in their lives and learn more about them. Check up on them and continue to reassure them of your care.

Principle 6: Make Him Feel Important

It had never even occurred to me that there might be strategies that would make talking to people easier and more likely to yield positive results. To learn how to influence people, you must listen to what is spoken and what is left unsaid. Therein lies the explanation for what people need in order to feel validated, supported, and seen. If a person feels they are invisible and unseen by their superiors, they are less likely to be positively influenced by that person. We long remember brash orders we’ve been given, times we’ve been screamed at – even if they were done to correct a bad error. But if we ask questions that give people the opportunity to correct errors themselves, we save their pride and give them a feeling of importance.

So by smiling, you will also be naturally happier (Tony Robbins says that “motion creates emotions”). Criticism is terrible when you want to influence people or change their behavior. What I did to give myself daily reminders is I wrote down the main point or lesson for all 30 chapters in my notes. It could be a sentence or two long with an example maybe. I went over that note every day, it took maybe 5 minutes. In the pretext I believe the Author even mentions it may be difficult to remember everything – so re reading it may be required.

Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.

Senora Maria Gonzalez of Guadalajara, Mexico, had such a job. She
envied the shared comradeship of other people in the company as she heard their
chatter and laughter. As she passed them in the hall during the first weeks of
her employment, she shyly looked the other way.

Lincoln hadn’t wanted advice, He had
wanted merely a friendly, sympathetic listener to whom he could unburden
himself. That’s what we all want when we are in trouble. That is frequently all
the irritated customer wants, and the dissatisfied employee or the hurt friend. Everyone is capable of making friends regardless of their personality. To make physical friends, you need to interact with physical people. By putting yourself in various social settings, you increase your chances of being seen and interacted with.

Combined, they establish credibility, trust, and excitement, which ultimately leads to buy-in. In 1888, Dale Carnegie was born in Maryville, Missouri. His parents were farmers but from early on he wanted to be a Chautauqua lecturer.

how occupied you are, I shall be glad to send my car for you at any hour you
specify. After 150 failures, Wesson realized he must be in a mental rut, so he resolved to
devote one evening a week to the study of influencing human behavior, to help
him develop new ideas and generate new enthusiasm. No one likes to feel that he or she is being sold something or told to do a thing. We much prefer to feel that we are buying of our own accord or acting on our
own ideas. We like to be consulted about our wishes, our wants, our thoughts.

I studied the life
of Abraham Lincoln for ten years and devoted all of three years to writing and
rewriting a book entitled Lincoln the
Unknown. I believe I have made as detailed and exhaustive a study of
Lincoln’s personality and home life as it is possible for any being to make. I
made a special study of Lincoln’s method of dealing with people. As a young man in the Pigeon Creek Valley of Indiana, he
not only criticized but he wrote letters and poems ridiculing people and
dropped these letters on the country roads where they were sure to be found. One of these letters aroused resentments that burned for a lifetime.

But, when Carnegie began peddling
his particular brand of optimism during the Great Depression, a stable
corporate job was the ultimate dream, and his readers were willing to
sacrifice anything for it. From ancient wisdom to modern science, we study every area of human knowledge. So you can be inspired every day with the best ideas that really help you grow.